Friendships With Someone Other Than Your Spouse


“Let’s Have a Talk About Emotional Modesty,” by Holly Girth says don’t get into an emotional affair.

“A few weeks ago a friend of mine were chatting. Her husband is in a leadership role at a church and she shared how women often confide in him in ways that are personal. That led us to a discussion about how easy it is to share your heart with men who are not your husband these days. There are plenty of opportunities to send a Facebook message, email, or open up to a guy friend. Yet here’s the thing: I believe that baring our hearts makes us just as vulnerable as baring our bodies.  If you are married and a man is not your husband, do not share your heart with him. And if you are single, do not share your heart with a married man.”

Emotional and physical affairs are central to the plot of the novel I am writing. It’s easy for an unsuspecting woman or man to get into an emotional affair. As Holly wrote, an unmet need filled by the opposite sex means we need to ask ourselves what need is our husband or wife not filling? In our independent and modern society, its been a topic of conversation. Should we keep friendships with the opposite sex that we had before we married?

A former co-worker was getting lunch at the same place in the mall as I, but we sat at different tables. Even now, I don’t feel comfortable having coffee or tea or putting myself in a situation where it appears like a date. Holly writes that we need to have emotional modesty. In other words, don’t share the treasure of our hearts with the opposite sex. Sharing our hearts should be reserved for our spouses. While I trust myself to have emotional modesty and to share my heart with only one man, I know how things can look and how a man can misconstrue the intent. Friends of the opposite sex are okay if your spouse is also friends with them, and you meet them together, like a double date, to a movie or a restaurant, but never one-on-one.

Holly ends her great article with this quote:

Here’s what I didn’t know when I tied the knot: Marriage takes work, friends. A lot of work. There’s a myth that says, “If you love someone you won’t have to work at it.” But I’ve come to believe the truth sounds more like this, “If you love someone you will work at it.” When you emotionally attach to another man, it lets you avoid that work. And in the moment, that feels pretty good. But it has devastating consequences long-term.

My husband and I share our private thoughts only with each other–the blogs I delete, the thoughts I don’t write about here, and my praise or criticism. All these treasures of my heart belong to him, a man who deserves my loyalty, my love, and my intimacy. Never let anyone come between you and your spouse, even if it is innocent at first. Time spent away from him are moments I can never get back or do over. We only get to live this life once. Make the most of it with your spouse.

Can you relate?