I Trust You, BUT…

prayer..

prayer.. (Photo credit: aronki)

As the day went over me like a tractor trailer, parts of me were left on the asphalt.

Our dog has bowel issues. It is ironic that I adopted a dog with bowel issues. It seems we share something in common. I spent a sleepless night dreaming my dog would die even as I prayed for healing until I fell asleep.

The next morning I became so worried over our dog that I felt unmotivated to do anything except linger in self-pity. I didn’t work out. I didn’t run.

As I looked around our house, I saw a ceiling that needed patching from the roof leak we found last year and fixed, walls that needed a fresh coat of paint, and a lap top that needed replacing. I see clothes that are wore out and socks with holes in them. As I got ready for work, I thought, “It’s such a bad day that all I need is a spider to show up in the bathtub to make it complete.”

I shrieked as I pulled back the shower curtain.

There was a spider.

It jumped and disappeared again into the folds of the shower curtain. I left the bathroom, shivering in fear. So I washed my hair in the kitchen sink. Driving to work, I continued to fall deeper into my mood.

I would have liked nothing better than to call in sick that day, bury myself in the blankets, drown in chocolate, and cry in self-pity. Emotions though don’t dictate my actions. It may influence my mood, but life marches right past my window. It doesn’t stop for bad days. I still have an obligation to report to work. Self-pity is not the same as a physical illness. I am a Christian practicing integrity. That means I blow dry my hair, apply my make-up, pour my coffee, and drive to work.

The radio plays music and I deny my mood what it wants to hear—depressing songs, moody songs. Instead, I remember my prayers the night before, how I promised to give it to God, and the next morning I’m taking it back, not trusting Him again even after I prayed healing over my dog in Jesus’ name. I drove to work and sat at my desk, facing the day.

Tomorrow’s a new day, I thought. Hope glimmered in the corner of my mind. In Christ, there’s always hope.

So even if I don’t have everything I want in life, I have Him and the blessings He’s given me, like a husband, friends, and the simple pleasures in our life. Somehow, Tony and I will make it as we go forward on faith. God did promise to provide for our needs and all we have to do is to own that promise while out of love for Him strive to be obedient.

And those spiders…

 

And my dog’s issues…

 

And the hole in the ceiling…

 

And the holes in my socks…

 

And the faded paint…

 

And the worn laptop…

…Well, some of those are minor and God handles the major and the minor. I’d rather have that than the stress of holes in my faith.

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2 thoughts on “I Trust You, BUT…

  1. Very well put, everyone has days like that, and they too shall pass. I figure as long as my problems are little ones, not like what Uncle Kenny was facing a year ago, I can get thru with his help. Love ya.

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