Good Ettiquette to Think of When You’re at a Party

DO come late, then stay on the phone even as people wait for you.

DO change your mind at the last minute when something better comes along, but don’t call the host to tell her you’ve changed your mind.

DO NOT RSVP early. Always wait to RSVP past the deadline, then get mad if they can’t accommodate you.

DO answer a phone call in the middle of a party when there’s a speaker. Make sure you talk loudly.

ALWAYS burp, fart, whisper, and drool while at a party, and never, ever use a napkin. God gave us sleeves for a reason; why waste a tree? Be green.

ALWAYS say maybe, even if you don’t mean it.

ALWAYS bring your friends to the next best thing, especially if that means they cancel their RSVP last minute with someone else, and the host is left with all the leftovers.

NEVER plan your time. After all, you’re very busy with lots of important things to do. A host must understand what’s important to you.

…and the most important form of good etiquette:

Always be honest with the host about the food. If it’s horrible, you’re doing her a favor, right?