The Hiding Place

English: The Anne Frank House alongside the Pr...
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It sounds like the place Anne Frank hid during an era when the Nazi’s exterminated the Jewish people, but this hiding place is different.

Years ago, my trust was violated in a situation that I had no control over. Without realizing the damage that was done and at times continues to be done, I continued in ministry without slowing down. The changes were subtle. The back pedaling was subtle. While many good changes occurred, many new things came to the surface. One of those was the lack of trust. I thought I lived the life of a transparent Christian, and online I did, exposing the imperfect in me to glorify God. In real life, however ministry became a wall. It became my hiding place.

Face to face with one person became more and more difficult in contrast to meeting with a group in a ministry setting. A lot of time was spent at home on my days off. I lived in isolation, preferring that to risking rejection with friends who may or may not be someone I could trust. I thought I had conquered fear, but fear took on a new face. A less than obvious face and it was the many small steps towards isolation that went undetected by everyone else, including myself; that is, until this month when a culmination of events caused me to examine my heart and it’s motivations. I had more acquaintances than actual friends. Online I could socialize like a squirrel on ten cups of espresso. In real life, I felt the shyness creeping in and while I saw other people’s walls, I failed to see my own that begun to grow stronger.

Recently, I told my husband that I needed to pull back and while serving in two good ministries (writing and praying), I need to also invest the time in real-life relationships, one on one, or even three on one, as long as it’s under friendship and not with an agenda.

The book “Transforming Prayer” by Daniel Henderson said it best when he quoted Lyle Schller who said, “We have become a society of solo sapiens.”

Techology is not inherently bad, but it is potentially isolating us when we were meant to come together in worship and fellowship. Our hearts will break. People will frustrate us, but isn’t it wonderful that we have an awesome God who is the Healer of all hearts? What men break, God puts back together.


2 thoughts on “The Hiding Place”

  1. Very insightful Nikki. I had that same revelation some years ago, when John got sick. I was always involved in ministry, even one-on-one with a lot of women, but until that season, when I hit an emotional bottom, I realized how desperately I needed authentic relationships with other believers. When I opened myself up to this, they came rushing to my side, loving on me, comforting me, offering help and empathy. When I think of how I did ministry without relationship, I realize how many years I missed out on this precious fellowship in the Spirit.


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