Out of the Closet (Survivors and Faith)

By M.C. Hanson

My parents adopted their grandchild after a judge ruled my sister an unfit mother. When my parents died, I was their estate’s executor; they entrusted me with my ten year old niece. While following our parents’ Last Wills, my siblings gave me grief requiring they get a share of the cash flow from the house, life insurance policies, etc.

None of them seemed to care about our young ‘sister-niece’s’ welfare. Plus, those relatives turned a deaf ear to my announcement that I paid many of our parents’ needs including costly pain medication due to our mother’s cancer. Since I took no promissory note, that money could not be removed from their estate. We’d each get a fifth of our parents’ worldly treasures.

Due to years of family dysfunction, one sister dared complain that the estate split five ways; she felt the ex-mother of our niece deserved nothing; the estate needed to be quartered. Even though the estate was small, it caused a huge rift; the selfishness I witnessed weighed on my soul. It made me feel that Cain and Able were alive and well!

My oldest sister never paid to support her ex-daughter; she failed to see this as the cause of an abyss between us. Years later, she called to brag; my sibling inherited a substantial sum from someone. During her selfish monolog, a particular statement hurt me to the core; “God rewarded me for being a good person and helping so many people!” When I remarked to her about her less than helpful nature concerning her offspring, she accused me of jealousy. Plus, she dared to call me ‘certifiable.’

I remained relatively resilient throughout my life with my dysfunctional family members but that day, admittedly, I was not stable at all! It felt like the end to me; I cringed hanging up the phone. Like a zombie, my feet waltzed me to my closet where I wailed and gnashed my teeth. There was no peace just emptiness and pain. My soul could not move forward or back; stationary, it reeled from mistrust. In my dark closet, I was one lost soul. As my spirit remained in darkness, my soul wondered why God rewarded my sister. Also, how could God allow her to taunt me?

God began sending messages of love in my direction. For example, the telephone broke my tension; and a friend sang out, “I was just out in my garden and a little bird told me to call you! I was hoping to see you sometime soon because I have a little gift for you. Just something I picked up at a gift store today. It reminded me of you.” She added that she missed me. Her statements helped me realize that my kids and other people would miss me if I left like my father did; dad committed suicide a few weeks after breast cancer took his wife. The realization that I was loved moved me towards psychological stability.

That same day, God sent another messenger. A close friend, who was a triage nurse at a mental health ward, called me insisting on a coffee date; she wanted to meet immediately. As a result of her prodding, I dressed and went to our favorite meeting place. While recounting my upset, I remarked that my spirit witnessed the deviousness that drove my father to self-destruction. My soul caught a glimpse of his hell but I did not want to join him.

After listening, my good friend remarked, “You are emotionally one of the healthiest people I’ve met. You know your buttons, you know when people are using things to harm your psyche, and you have a strong survival instinct.” She hesitated, “Having said that; you are vulnerable especially today!”

“What hurt the most included that my sister has no concern for my niece’s needs!”

“That should not surprise you; she never showed interest.” I should have immediately felt better. However, there was a question that still needed answering. Why did God give my sister that money? His messenger quickly explained, “Maybe, He gave her that inheritance as a test hoping she’d share it correctly! Instead, your sister failed to understand how to use HIS gifts!” My friend’s conjecture gave me food for thought.

After arriving home, I retraced the footprints of my day to my husband. He interrupted, “Why waste your day in tears? Maybe, God gave her that money to see if she learned her lessons about sharing and caring about family. Obviously, she is clueless!” Two people answered so similarly that it jarred my soul into understanding God had no intention of harming me. My sister had free will, and she used it to taunt me.

However, that day left a scar on my soul so deep it was hard to erase. I wondered if I’d ever fully recover from the family plagues of our ongoing dysfunction. Then, I met a minister. During our encounter, other people gathered around to receive his prayers of exorcism or his specialty. Due to my wary nature, I kept my distance but that man focused on me. He revealed my secret, which was that due my emotionally unhealthy childhood I harbored mistrust. Next, that preacher told me that God was on my side but I had to allow Him to heal my past and guide my future path. I understood his message and have been trying ever since to trust.

Currently, I feel more open to ‘keeping the faith’ especially knowing God sent me so many love-filled messages. In short, when the Devil devised his plan that dark day, he didn’t grasp the strength of the healing ability of friendships. He , also, failed to take into consideration my strong desire to be the caretaker to my nuclear family or that I fully understood that my niece didn’t need to lose another parent. Mostly, Satan failed to understand the power GOD especially over my soul!

You can view her website here. Each Survivors and Faith story comes from a unique perspective. Sometimes in reading someone else’s story we can get a new perspective on our own stories. If you would like to submit a story, see guidelines here.

Hanson’s Bio:

My favorite question during book interviews is: How did you get started writing? The short answer is that in 1991 my mother died. Some people dream of being authors; my writing began as what could be described as a nightmare! HOWEVER– as she died, mom experienced what would be called a Christian Near Death Experience (NDE) or miracle. My witness became Mom’s on the Roof and I can’t Get Her Down. After that, I’ve co-authored or compiled seven other Divine Tales including HIS Story, Through the Storms HE Performs, The Presence- The Present, The Evans terrace Girls and Stacey’s Song. THEN, due to my life changing trip, I had to overcome a partial shoulder replacement, which hindered my left arm. With one hand, I wrote My ArmOr (My Life), which is about my acceptance of God’s plan for my life. To date, my Christian books total seven. Meanwhile, I have ghostwritten four novels including The Vision, which is based on a true story of overcoming blindness, bipolar dysfunction, and living ‘The Golden Rule.’ Finally, I’ve produced four picture books for children. You can find out more about my writing on my author webpage, which is at http://mchanson714.weebly.com/