In reading, The Conviction to Lead by Albert Mohler, a quote stood out to me: passion is Technicolor, not earth tones. Mohler went on to say, “Kierkegaard contrasts passion with mere ‘flashes of enthusiasm.’ Passion is not a temporary state of mind. It is the constant source of energy for the leader, and the greatest cause of attraction for followers. Finally, Kierkegaard reminds us that passion cannot be artificially generated or transmitted. If authentic, it naturally shines through as convictions come to life, as a great mission undertaken, and as people share the same great passion and join together as one.” As I read this, I recalled my words over the past year. Where’s my passion? Where’s my faith?
For instance, when someone asked me how many copies to make for something I gave a low number. I expected few to actually need the information. My verbiage communicated my low confidence and my floundering passion. I am passionate wherever writing is concerned in my own projects, but I have apologetically lacked it in many other areas. I’ve been searching out my place in the world—to belong, to matter, to be a part of something—and my attitude reflects it when more often than not I am left bereft of what I seek. I feel I am following God’s will in what I do, but in some areas I really need to work on a better attitude and a stronger faith. Because what I seek sometimes is self-fulfillment.
Tony asked me why I continue to write and submit when I haven’t gotten a publishing contract for my novel. I’m not seeking self-fulfillment, but serving my calling. In many ways, writing is fulfilling even if my pocketbook comes up empty. God has blessed me in my writing in more ways than I deserve and lately He has been opening up many doors. Some have told me how my writing builds them up and I am glad to be used in this way, to spend my time wisely, and grow. But in other areas I do lack faith.
So when Mohler said, “passion requires Technicolor not earth tones,” it left me disquieted. I walked back from Starbucks staring ahead and re-thinking my position. I need to use my words to lift up and build up even when things appear discouraging, people are difficult, or if when I hold out my hands they come up empty. My attitude can’t be responsible for bringing someone else down. When someone asks for a blown out number of copies, I should suggest double that and pray it is so instead of thinking the worst and living faithlessly. When praying for rain, I should bring an umbrella, as someone once told me.
*The Conviction to Lead is one of the books I am reviewing. Date TBD.